like a twinkie...like a twinkie

New Blog

2009-01-01T10:38:00.004-07:00

Yo suckas. I migrated this blog over to a wordpress blog under my murried name so I could be cool with the cool kids.

www.amymorby.com

Add it to your blogroll...get rid of this one and love it.

I have no shame.

2008-12-27T17:27:00.004-07:00

Alright. I gave in. I think I am officially....a digital scrapbooker. SICK! I can't tell you how many years I have fought my family on the idiocracy that is scrapbooking. But here I am...posting my first digital scrapbook page on this stupid blog. I almost want to break my own knee caps for it. I can't help it..I'm a graphic designer...this is in my blood. I say if it means I can work with Photoshop, then it's legit design. So suck it all you haters. Digital scrapbooking is kool. In fact, I would even go so far as to suggest that we ban the term scrapbooking and all its unholiness forever. It's graphic design kids...embrace it. It's cheap, it's fun, and it's photoshoppy.

My first page...

To the Nephs

2008-12-22T21:01:00.007-07:00

There are two things in life that make everything absofreakinlutely fantastic. 1.) Mitch Morby 2.) Katamari Damacy and 3.) Being an aunt.

I love being an aunt more than most things on this Earth. Collin, Luke, and Henry are easily the koolest kids I know...hands down. I don't have kids yet, but i tell you what...I love these 3 little boys more than is humanly possible. They are not only adorable beyond belief, but so smart and hilarious too. They're like one big jumble of hilarity, and I love them.

You know what sucks though? Living far away from your nephews. Worst thing EVER. I never get to see them...ever. And it kills me. Now that it's Christmas, I miss them more than ever. Yeah..I may or may not have bawled on Sunday because I missed them so dang much. Christmas probably won't be quite the same without them. Collin and I are party animals..don't even get between us and our Cars coloring book. And Luke? shoooooot....we just can't get enough of climbing on things. And sweet baby Henry....cutest baby I know. I'm so so excited that he'll be here for Christmas. I can't wait.

Look at these boys...

Luke's a boy after my own heart...toting a can of diet coke.

Me and C-money go way back...making sweet reindeer snowmen and coloring until our fingers blister. Good times.

Oh man...last year's new years eve? Scrumtrilescent. Me and Collin ran around our neighborhood circle...tooting our horns and eating snow. woot!

And don't you dare forget sweet baby Henry. Henry Christian Hyer. What a bundle of delicious joy.

Being an aunt is easily the best call in life. I couldn't love these nephs more. Colling and Luke, I miss you, buddies. And Henricus, I can't friggin' wait to spend Christmas with you this week. You and your horse are the most adorable pairing since me and my Wonder Horse, Salad, and I love you man.

April and Jill, thank you so much for letting me be an aunt to your beautiful boys. I love them more than you'll ever know. Sorry to get all cheesy on everyone, but...I really can't help it. I have the best nephews in the world. No battle. Keep poppin' 'em out, April and Jill....I need all the nephs I can get.

Connie...you piece of poo. I will cut you.

2008-12-18T10:50:00.004-07:00

Today whilst driving to the hell hole otherwise known as work, my sweet baby Connie broke down.

For those of you not savvy with the thug life of Connie...here she is. A beautiful, maroon, pee stain, butt hole Ford Probe. Kill me. I hate her. I really do. Worst car ever invented. Just look at it.

We're talking...we're accelerating and all the sudden she poops her proverbial car pants and just stalls. Luckily we were on a big hill, so we just coasted down to a gas station and bought a 44 oz. Fresca to appease my outright hostility and discombobulation at Connie breaking down yet again. We tried to get to work...we really did. But Connie's tailpipe made a weird whistling noise, and due to my fear of being asphyxiated and Connie's refusal to move past 3rd gear...we had to stay at the gas station.

So what do we do now? I say burn that mother down. I fix Connie every single winter of my discontent, and I've had it. Connie is nothing but a confounded gypsy wagon. I will have no part of it.

So even though Connie is paid for...whatever. I hate you Connie.

aw skeet skeet skeet on tweet

2008-12-12T11:23:00.001-07:00

yo sucka punches.

I'm now on twitter. Tweet me. Follow me. Love me.

Werd.

elton and prince holiday gala

2008-12-10T20:03:00.001-07:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

i heart japan pt. deux

2008-12-10T14:51:00.001-07:00

This is what being bored at work will find you.

Also, bless this man for his brash intellect and strange genius.

katamari damacy my heart

2008-12-10T13:16:00.003-07:00

This is the single best day of my life. I was just informed that there is a Katamari Damcy for xbox 360. Angels are singing from the heavens and golden confetti is falling upon this glorious Japanese infused gamer world.

Perhaps Santa will bring it if I'm real good and shave my legs and stop eating too much beef jerky.

Christmas in my Belly

2008-12-07T17:33:00.012-07:00

So this weekend, me and Mitch town cruised down to SLC punk to partake in some holiday festivities. We ate a butt load of Mexican food, farted lots, and went to the Festival of Trees, my absolute favorite holiday event of the year. What could be better than lots of white trash frolicking amongst rows of beautifully decorated trees? Seriously though...I love the Festival of Trees. If I could, I'd eat it. And I kinda did because they have really, REALLY good scones there, and I ate one.

The joy of the Festival inspired me to share with the whole 2 people that read my blog my top 10 fav things about Christmas. woot!

10. Decorations: My house is full of them. I love them. I crave them. It's all part of being a woman. My tree is crazy packed with ornaments, and it's glorious. Absolutely glorious. I love it more than anything except my husband and possibly Christmas itself. And if you don't like this cat swaddled in decorations, then suck it

9. Clark Griswold: 2nd best Christmas movie ever made--no battle. It's a real...nice...surprise. Are you serious, Clark? And don't try and tell me you don't have the stereotypical crazy relatives like Uncle Eddie. Hooray for this show. Mom, forgive the language. Blame it on Uncle Eddie.

8. Christmas Music: Mock me all you want, but if you hate Christmas muic, it's because you haven't listened to my collection. My personal favs?

John Denver & the Muppets will change your life in the most pleasant of ways. And yes..Neil Diamond is Jewish, yet he has a Christmas album. Also, I've been known to listen to FM 100.3 all December long. I'm festive. Sue me.

7. Elf: THE best Christmas movie ever. I love Will Ferrell, and I love him more in Elf. Is there sugar in it? Then YES.

6. Gingerbread: in any size, shape, or form. Is it gingerbread creamer in my hot choclate? yes please. Is it a gingerbread candle? yap. Gingerbread houses? Even better.

5. Charlie Brown Christmas: It's not Christmas until I watch it. No battle.

4. Christmas Lights on Houses: the crazier the better. Yes, I like extravagant blow-up things on the lawn, and I REALLY like crazy patterns of colored lights, preferably synchronized to music with lasers and bulldogs. Someday, I will enter and WIN a neighborhood Christmas lights competition.

3. Sugar Cookies: Make them every year, and they are the jam. You haven't lived until you've had an Amy Morby sugar cookie yo. Stop by my humble, Christmas jam-packed abode and I'll make you some.

2. Christmas Festivities: Festival of Trees, Temple Square, ugly sweater parties, cheesy musical concerts, sledding, hot chocolate consuming, whatever. I love it all. Mo' festivities mo' joy.

I couldn't find a good pic for this, so...Tijuana Christmas!! Simon!

1. Christmas Friggin' Day: The best day of any year, hands down. I love people opening the presents I give them, the stockings, the monkey bread and breakfast casserole, the familia partying all day getting high on eggnog, xbox, and life....everything.

This is Christmas day last year when I got my luscious MacBook. Collin got a little guy computer too, so he was excited that I got one too. Hooray for nephews!!

Well kids, that's my list. And secretly, there are thousands of other things on my list that didn't make the blogging cut such as...scarves, mittens, fireplaces, penguins, seeing funny old men that look like Santa but really have nothing to do with Santa, neighbor gifts, whole bags of vanilla tootsie rolls, oranges in my stocking, and on and on and on.

I'm a Christmas nerd/retard. I have no shame. I love it. Only 17 days, 5 hours, 46 mins, and 29 seconds until Christmas 2K8.

My Odelay to Caucasian Sensation

2008-12-05T08:46:00.003-07:00

Today and always I <3 Beck.
Being white never rhymed so phat. werd.

Patsy Cline Saved my Life

2008-12-03T10:30:00.003-07:00

I <3 Patsy Cline today.

Thanksgiving in AZ

2008-12-01T16:15:00.007-07:00

Best Thanksgiving ever! This year for Thanksgiving was me and Mitch's first together as married little scamps. His family was having a ginormous reunion of sorts in Arizona, so we all packed in a cozy expedition with 8 people and headed into the perfect climate of Arizona. The drive was long, but we had the whole first season of Lost to watch,and I am sad to say I am now on the Lost bandwagon.

We spent most of our time hangin out at Mitch's grandma's house, which is right on a golf course. Mitch got to golf two days in a row, so he was a happy camper. Here is a view of him right after he hit a house. yikes. I took it from his grandma's porch to show that she literally lives on the golf course. Crazy old people.

We had Thanksgiving at his Uncle Kent and Aunt Lorie's house, and it was the jam. The food was incredible, and they had a bangin' pool with a hot tub that flowed into the pool. They had two super cute dogs--Mia and Molly--and then Mitch's cousin Justin brought his schnauzer, Remington. This is important to blog about solely for the fact that I am a dog fiend, and I am in dire need of a dog. So anyone that has a good idea of how to smuggle a dog into my pet-hater apartment complex, let me know.

This is Mia. She's a lab weenie dog mix, and I'm going to steal her someday.

Mia made us throw the ball in the pool over and over and over. She's a little weenie fish.

On Friday, we did the inevitable Black Friday shopping, which was a blast. I secretly live for mad dash shopping amongst soccer moms turned mongrel. I got some good deals AND saw a little girl throw up. So fun! I also learned how to play Pokeno with Mitch's grandma and his darling cousins Allie and Grace. They are a hoot, and Life Twists and Turns is easily the coolest game ever. Maybe I'll ask Santa to put it in my stocking.But Pokeno? Gambling with pennies? With Mitch's grandma? Amazing.

We also went to the Mesa, AZ temple Friday night to see the glorious Christmas lights. That temple is awesome, and the lights were pretty cool too. They put lights on the palm trees there--not as cool as Salt Lake, but definitely awesome.

You can kinda see the cool palm tree lights in this one...

Even though I came home with a wicked cold, this was one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever had. Mitch is the coolest cat I know, and I am the luckiest/happiest/most blessed girl in the world to be hitched to him. We had a blast, and I still don't know how I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. Sappy I know but..suck it. We're in love.

Yay for Thanksgiving, and I can't wait for Christmas. Woot!

Name Tomfoolery

2008-11-24T10:42:00.007-07:00

i stole this from my nukka Jess. It's a good time.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names)
Jo Sander

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad)
Paul George. (Two first names....perfect nascar name...I love you Ricky Bobby.)

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)
Moamy (what if my first name only consists of 3 letters? lame.)

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Chartreuse Duck (sounds more like a stripper name to me.)

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live)
Rebecca Jordan (sounds more like a girl that went to my high school in a Maurice cowboy shirt with box hair. whatev.)

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning)
The pink pepper. (bwahaha....does diet dr. pepper count as a fav beverage? also, does this mean I need to start wearing a shirt that says "I'm a pepper?"

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Maiden Name: Aman (biblical?)
Married Pimp Name: Amby (this just sounds like a collie dog's name. I don't want it.)

8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):
Cookie dough Suga (definitely not thug. i'm pissed.)

9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name)
Vinny East (say hello to your motha for me, alright?)

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Amos Hawksbill (definitely not a porn name but....still classy.)

que bueno

2008-11-18T18:20:00.002-07:00

Life is good. You know why it's good?

-tomato soup in my belly
-christmas in 36 days
-thanksgiving in arizona in 7ish days with the rockin' in-laws jigga whooooo?
-busting the scarves out of the closet
-putting a space heater under my desk at work
-watching dirty harry with my esposo
-my startling transformation into an xbox junkie low-life.
-bunco night is tomorrow
-my apartment has a fireplace for both warmth AND christmas stocking hangage
-too many boogers in my nose
-pumpkin candles
-looking at bulldog puppies on KSL and secretly shedding glistening tears that the landlord is anti-pet.
-tall cold ones of nesquik
-e-mails that say my next netflix pick has been sent
-trips to hobby lobby
-getting a comcast bill for $.49
-twinkies
-morgan freeman

weddin day preview

2008-11-12T14:17:00.010-07:00

Sorry. I know it's been forever, but the wedding day photos are coming. for now, here is a delightful preview from Tawsha's site...The Color Blue Photography. She's amazing. Book her now!!

if I were a man, I'd have a fu manchu

2008-11-08T16:18:00.003-07:00

So today, Mitch told me i should shave my mustachio. I said h no, I won't go. i love my fu manchu.

so then, I told him to shave his gnarly stache.

But he said h no, i won't go. So then I manscaped my stache to be a little more geek to chic jenny jones stylee. I also dyed it black for flavor.

All in all, I think I look best with the fu manchu.

Happy Halloweenie

2008-11-06T20:34:00.014-07:00

So remember how a while ago I blogged about my intense and slightly embarrassing love for Captain and Tennille? Prolly not. But just so you know, I have an odd obsession with the 70s, namely the sensational pop duo, Captain and Tennille. So for Halloween, Mitch and I decided to gussy up in true 70s fashion.

The real Cap'n and T-town:

Me and Mitchtown as the C&T:

Yeah, that's right. Mom jeans never looked so good.

But don't ask me about the wig...let's just say that trying to cut and curl your own k-mart wig is NOT a good idea. And wow, look at that Mitchell Blayne. I still can't believe how much he looks like captain--down to the angry disposition and all.

We spent the day "working" at work and then having a cubicle trick-or-treating party where none of the kids knew who we were. In fact, i think they were a little alarmed by the pouch protruding underneath my 9 inch zipper. When looking around the room and pointing out costumes, one child turned to me and said, "um..that's a woman." And boy was Tennille a woman.

We made a butt load of sugar cookies for the big party sweet baby Chana planned at the Gymnastics place. I'm happy to say that Mitch did all the detail work.

Chana is pretty much the coolest person ever solely for the fact that she was a bald britney spears for Halloween. Bless you Chana. You are a genius.

The following slideshow shows a little glimpse of the hilarity that ensued Halloween night. I now know that I love trampolines and balance beams. I also know that I can consume copious amounts of muddy buddies in seconds flat. Dang you Chana. Don't you ever make those again. Also, I now know why mom jeans quickly went out of style. There is nothing worse than hula hooping and performing a gymnastics floor routine with painful camel toe.

And just in case you didn't catch it in the slideshow...

Sweet baby Chana.

All in all, this Halloween was easily the best in a looong time. Mostly because I have a husband and mostly because we were dressed up as the lamest 70s pop duo of all time. Mitch even carved pumpkins with me, which meant the world to me since I'm a retard and love to be overly festive. One look at our fireplace pretty much sums it all up. I'm going to be a PTA mom who wears applique vests.

mitch loves autism and pumpkins.

punkins in the dark.

Holidays are the best. Let's just say I can't wait until Christmas.

Honeymoon in my Spoon

2008-11-06T19:10:00.005-07:00

oh my laws...i fail at life. I know. No blog post since the big marriage. Well, you know what? Suck it. I've been livin' it up bein' married in the 2K8 nukka please!

So, to make up for my horrendous lack of blogtation dalmation plantation, I'm going to catch you all up on the details of our scrumptious honeymoon: a Cruise in the Mexican Riviera 2k8. To make this post not so long and lugubrious, I shall present the honeymoon to you in a lame slideshow:

Create a Free Slideshow

Unfortunately, the coolest part of our cruise wasn't documented because cameras weren't allowed. It was dangerous and there were bears. But not really. But seriously though, we went on a canopy tour, and I'm still wrestling with the stains in my pants.

We first took a crazy speed boat/raft thing out to the jungle where Predator was filmed. Yes, Predator. Then we took a huge military mercedes truck up a very treacherous road through a tiny fishing village. once we got the the headquarters, we suited up in harnesses and hard hats and hopped on mules. si, mules! muy bueno! That was easily the coolest part for me. I rode into the rainforest on a mule...for 30 mins. Best 30 mins ever. Once we got to the top, we ziplined down a bunch of crazy ziplines. I may or may not have forgotten to brake on one zipline and seriously thought i was going to die. I cannot confirm nor deny that. After 4 or 5 ziplines, we then rappelled down a waterfall...we're talking IN the waterfall...not just daintily hopping around it, but IN it. It was amazing. After more ziplines, we free fall rappelled into another waterfall and got soaked in delicious mexi rainforest water. It was easily the coolest thing I have ever done, and secretly I want to live with the orangutans in there and harvest mules.

Anyway, that's our honeymoon in a nutshell. I am now Amy Morby and LOVING it. I have a rice cooker, a kitchenaid, and a bangin' husband. I love his guts. We're disgustingly happy.

Morbys 2K8! werd.

gettin' hitched

2008-09-30T08:33:00.007-06:00

So I took my bridals on Saturday...I get married in 9 days. Good night nurse. Here is a little sneak peek...

sweet 70s swedes? yes please.

2008-09-04T20:27:00.004-06:00

I have an addiction. Sometimes addictions take on strange forms, and....mine may or may not have taken shape in the form of 70s Swedish pop phenoms.....maybe possibly even ABBA if you want to be specific.

Besides this being my favorite Office moment EVER, this song warms my heart. I think this is mostly due to the clever use of thigh-high boots and sly winks. Those scamper Swedes!

This video leaves me thinking...why was I not alive for this? What went wrong? I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be in this video with sequin sexy wear. If time travel ever happens, please send me straight to this moment. kthx.

But of course, my personal favorite?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK3mVxGfzPY

But poopy stains...whoever posted it said I can't embed it so sorry...you have to actually go to YouTube to view it. But I highly recommend it. You'll probably cry and feel empowered to flashdance or possibly just start wearing sequins.

If it were socially acceptable to drape myself in velvet and disco, believe me I would. Until it is socially acceptable, i will continue to Farah Fawcett my hair and dream of this...

Not ABBA, but a treasure none the less. Thank you Baccara for singing disco with a charming accent and doing hip sways with roses. Boogie Boogie.

yearbook yo self

2008-08-21T10:36:00.007-06:00

Being sick all week blows, but Mitch showing me this website is killa. It's called Yearbook Yourself, and it's basically the best thing to ever happen to bored people everywhere.

Me in 1950...

And 1958..

1964...

1970...

1974...

My personal fav...1980...

Another gem...1986...

1992...

And finally, 1994...

Good times.

punk suckaz

2008-08-20T22:43:00.001-06:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

hoagies and grinders

2008-08-14T14:35:00.003-06:00

Meetings at work=needing to pee desparately and not listening. Oft times I find myself daydreaming in meetings about Patric Swayze and also things that I hate. Por ejemplo...

1. Corporate toilet paper. It's always on ginormous rolls that are so heavy, the toilet paper breaks when you roll it. I can't wipe with a scrap. Nor can I wipe with cardboard/sandpaper. My body my choice.

2. People who pretend to know what's going on in meetings and try to act really involved. I can see right through you, you stinkers. I'm comfortable with my sincere bewilderment and you should be too.

3. Cleaning crews who steal my tootsie rolls.Yeah, my secret stash of contraband midgees? Totally gone today. I'm on to these cleaning crews and their 'spensive vacuums. I'll cut you.

4. Shih Tzus. Enough said.

5. Cheap Vietnamese Nail Salons. HAPPY NAIL! Andy, you suck at life, and you will not be doing my nails again.

6. Ford Probes Connie has 900 lb. saddle bags/doors, and every day I battle it...every day. It's just so hard.

7. Welsh Corgies

This meeting probably needs to be over. I need to pee, and my diet coke is gone. Make that number 8 on the list--empty 32 oz. cups.

Ultimately, life is ok because of this:

Color Blue Photography

2008-08-10T23:20:00.006-06:00

A sneak peak at me and mitchell's engagements. Tawsha Hannig is genius. More to come punk suckas!!

You should visit www.thecolorbluephotography.com because this girl has photog chops. I love it, lavar burton loves it, and you should too.

Henry C. Jigga Boiiiiiiii

2008-08-06T20:17:00.004-06:00

I heart nephews, and thanks to my sister and her lover Christian Paul gettin down, I have a brand new one, and he is hot to trot, I tell you what.

Meet Henry Christian Hyer:

He's pretty much the cutest little guy. Just wait until I get him some baby Vans to go on this foot:

My sister and bro-in-law are basically the coolest couple ever. They always have fruit n' nut mix--the top-o-the-line Costco variety mind you--for me to eat, and for that, Stevie Wonder says thank you and sings sweet songs about blind love. If anyone deserves this bangin' neph, it's this couple.

My other sister April Anne and her lover Merritt Mitchell are also the coolest couple in the world, so jeez--Me and Mitch better shape up because we got a lot to live up to in my fam. Plus my sisters pump out the cutest babies ever...ever.

So, right when i thought I couldn't possibly love my nephews anymore, Henry comes and says to me, hey, nephews are the greatest thing in the world hands down. I love em, I can't get enough of 'em, and thank you to the Mitchells and Hyers for making me the luckiest, craziest aunt ever. Werd.

you love alabama

2008-08-06T15:45:00.000-06:00

Bless your heart, Riley Onyon.

Betrothal!

2008-07-25T08:25:00.005-06:00

So I'm engaged. yee haw baby yeah. On Tuesday, Mitch Morby popped the question, and we's gettin' hitched.

So...this is my ring. It doesn't get much more bangin' than that. That's a diamond right there kids. I think it's probably from the mob...who knows. All I can say is I love it, and Mitch is choice.

This is the glorious tablescape Mitchell concocted....complete with diet dr. pepper in a jewel-encrusted pimp cup and an Old Grist Mill sammich. My lifeblood.

Ans here's the happy couple loving life. Tender.

Now that I'm engaged, my prospect of owning a bulldog named Hacksaw is finally within reach. Because married people can have dogs. yay love!

tap tomfoolery and the best night of my life

2008-07-05T20:49:00.014-06:00

wake up boys, we got a fire.

For the second time in my mundane life, I had the uber privilege to witness Tilly and the Wall in all their tap rock glory. It was glorious, it was fabulous, and I can now die happy.

Even though I had to stand in line for two hours and listen to two teenage poops criticize everyone in line due to their excruciatingly debilitating lack of confidence and life conviction, the concert was easily the best of my life....and that's a big statement. Why? Why? Why was this the best concert of my life? Be more constructive with your feedback..

Welp, prolly because I was front row and center...literally two inches away from sweet sweet Nick, the noble keyboardist. (plus, before the show, I saw them pull up in their big ol' green vannigan and unpack...Kianna and Neely passed me numerous times and said "excuse me.." Little did they know they were passing their biggest fan everzzz 4 life.) Below you shall see some poopy pictorials a la my poopy camera phone.

Kianna in a fabulous musical note trapeze dress. I want it. Also, Neely in the back. I met her.

This little guy is Nick. I'm pretty sure he wanted to kill me since I was right in his face the whole time singing fervently and very possibly scathingly loud. He had to ask to have his keyboards turned up a couple times...oh well.

Jamie is off the heezy. She tap dances. Not even tap--a little hard rock with a little classical tap. mmm..yes please.

Here is a close up of Kianna's tap shoes. Both her and Neely wear them and stomp on stomp-esque boxes as well.

And here's just another one of Kianna because she's killerrrrrr...

The best part about all of this?

a) These pictures are horrible and won't size correctly because Verizon sucks, and

b) After the show, Jamie, the tapper, and Neely, the singer extraordianire were just hanging outside, and needless to say, I asked them for their autograph because I'm pathetic like that. It was magical. I couldn't really speak...there was a lot of awkward stuttering on my part and mucho gracious comments from them. Neely even thanked me for dancing and singing since nobody else there really knew the words. (This is because Utah SUCKS and has NO TASTE in music and, consequently, NO SOUL, and everyone there was 15 or younger, and the SUCK AT LIFE) Anyway...it was magical..Neely, sweet Neely, acknowledged my fanhood, and I am smitten.

Tilly and the Wall are the best thing that ever happened to me--hands down, no battle.
If i weren't so frustrated at the crappy pictures right now, I would add the videos I took but...I'm crabby.

On a side note, Kid Theodore opened for T&TW. They're local and fabulous.

This little guy looks uncannily like my friend Brent who likes hookah and boobies.

In conclusion, I'm the luckiest lil' biotch alive. Tilly and the Wall. I love them. I need them. Yay.

NewDawn killaz Cash Money Millionairezzz

2008-07-01T19:51:00.004-06:00

Today marks the first day of my new career at NewDawn Technologies. yee haw baby yeah.

I was physically ill from the unadulterated anxiety exploding in my body, but it turned out ok. You know why? Because Mitch sent me flowers...

Check those out. Exploding with peonies and hyacinths. They're even a pink color scheme. My favorite color? Yes please. That's because my boyfriend kicks ass, and you know I'm serious when I don't mind using colorful expletives.

The new job is amazing.

I learn cool things like XML and DITA.

I get free apple juice.

And they took me to Chilis. Fiesta Explosion salada in my belly.

Yay for new job and outstandingly fabulous gentleman lover.

sometimes I don't blog

2008-06-29T01:39:00.003-06:00

too bad people don't really read this blog or else the recent lack of blogging would be shameful albeit downright outlandish.

so what has happened in the past weekish....other than wasting my days pretending to work at work, I managed to sell my soul and acquire a new job. that's right kids, my first salary job, and how do I feel about it? not so good. I'm nervous, itchy, and if I could, I would live in Pioneer Park and eat Panda Express every day. If I wasn't deathly afraid of getting shanked in the yard, i totally would. too bad I got no street cred. Seriously though...i guess i'm excited. but seriously...not really...hopefully it goes well. I start on Tuesday, which is July 1..which means the tilly and the wall concert is totally the next night...July 2...which means life will change as i know it after I bask in tilly's tap rap a dap sap love.

I also washed my car this week. connie loves me.

umm...I also got a bunch of new, possibly good? music...

1. headlights
2. the dimes
3. au revoir simone
4. ms. john soda
5. bishop allen
6. MGMT
7. the watson twins
8. coco rosie

From the above, i must say that I enjoy the headlights the best. charming? yes please. I also enjoy a little coco rosie...who doesn't? I also stole the into the wild soundtrack from my brosef/brother/hooligan brother out of curiosity. It's all eddie vedder you know, so...I thought I'd give her a try, and...I like. I don't care what anyone says...Vedder is choice. I go through love/hate phases with him but...as the father of grunge, you have to respect him on some level.

I also pirated an unmanageable slew of baby einstein music for my sister. she's having a baby in like...a month, and the baby needed some music ASAP as far as I'm concerned. You'll be happy/relieved to know that I found baby elvis...yes...baby ELVIS. The baby can now enter the world reassured that it will be introduced to only the finest musical morsels by its favorite aunt. yay baby hyer!

Lastly, I moved into a new house this week that is bangiiiiiiin'. The extra i set in that word means that it's really bangin'--everything I dreamed and more. I thought I was excited about my freddie mercury poster when I first bought it but...this new house WITH my freddie mercury poster perched on the wall is blowing that excitement out of the water and into the hippie neighbor's ragamuffin yard next door. I'll have to put some pics up later...right now it's 2 am, and I'm supposed to be sleeping so I don't sleep through sacrament meeting tomorrow...laaaaame. Suffice it to say that this new household comes equipped with numerous alcoves, if you will, where jesus kitsch items fit beautifully. Unfortunately, I have none, but you better believe the next time I visit TJ I'll be picking some up.

PS--the artist of the week=MGMT. It's electronic joy, and Connie likes. Escucha!

Garfunkel was cool BECAUSE of his hair

2008-06-16T09:00:00.004-06:00

Today I'd like to pay homage to two musical geniuses/silver foxes: Simon and Garfunkel. Yes, their sweet music raised me to be the musical aficionado I am today, and if I could, I would make sweet love to Garfunkel's jerry curl.

With such musical morsels as "The Boxer" and "America," S&G have established themselve as lyrical masterminds. What kind of person would I be today had Mr. Tucker, my high school English teach, not made me analyze the labyrinthine poetry in Sounds of Silence? I don't even want to think about it.

The following recording is S&G performing "Homeward Bound" at the infamous Monterey Pop Festival of 1967, where, I might add, Jimi Hendrix made his American debut as the most bad ass guitarist to grace this Earth. Had God not screwed up and sent me here in the era of musical purgatory, I would have been front row and center at this festival throwing my panties on stage and having my mind blown repeatedly by the slew of music genius.

This next video conveniently comes with a brief explanation behind the genius that is Sounds of Silence. The harmonies these two little scamps muster are absolutely incredible, and in all of their songs, the guitar is timeless.

Really, if you don't like S&G, you have no soul. What's worse, you have no taste, and I don't think it's acceptable to not have a working knowledge of these two songstresses/musical craftsmen. I love them, Michael Sullivan loves them, and poop on anyone that disagrees.

Kthxbye.

domo...domo..beep beep beep

2008-06-14T01:10:00.002-06:00

I heart Japan.

do the jitterbug in muskrat love

2008-06-09T21:57:00.003-06:00

Top three things I love about Captain and Tennille:

1. They put bulldogs on all of their album covers
2. Tennille's haricut looks uncannily like my boss's
3. They kick ass in overalls and capitan hats

While I know you will not bother to watch all or any of these videos, I still think they are of note, simply for the fact that a woman like Tennille existed and lip synced so expertly and exuberantly.

This one, which you will recognize as one of the greatest 70s anthems of our time, is a crowd favorite due to Captain's outlandish/wily synthesizer magic. Take a gander:

This next one, innuendo-ly entitled "Muskrat Love" speaks for itself. You only have to watch the first 10 seconds to know that here is a band that loves life/crack cocaine and muppets. But please, for your salvation and personal hygiene, watch this video if not the others because there may or may not be floating muskrats...and they may or may not playfully prance on Captain's synthesizer as he tickles the keys in a haphazard fashion.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, here is a clip of Tennille and the one and only Johnny Sweet Baby Travolta singing a duet of "Don't Go Breaking my Heart." J-Travolta is dreamy and leaves me pining for a life in the drug-induced seventies. How did I miss out on this? And can I bring this back?

God bless you Captain and Tennille.

tilly pooped on my wall

2008-06-08T17:13:00.003-06:00

In a mere two days, I will not only be finished dogsitting, but I will also have in my possession the new Tilly and the Wall album. After a long and horrendously unpleasant two years, the band-love of my life will finally appease my tap rock cravings and, consequently, succor the angst welling up in my body about spending a week alone with a chi-ha-ha. Yes, they are my most beloved band in addition to Rilo Kiley, and I may or may not be willing to sell my kidney and limb of their choice to meet them someday.

If you are not accquainted with Tilly and the Wall, then a--I am legitimately sorry, and b--get ready to live. Below you will find their "Rainbows in the Dark" music video. Yes, that is a tap dancer. Her name is Jamie, and she may or may not smell like cinammon. Originating in Omaha Nebraska, Tilly and the Wall are part of Conor Oberst's Team Love records, and although they are sans drummer, the tapping/stomping/clapping/tasteful f words are enough to force you to reevaluate your life in the most pleasant of ways.

So, if you have not heard them, then listen, or I will cut you. And as if a new album wasn't tremendous enough, they are coming to sweet baby SLC on July 2, and you better believe Mitchell and I will be attending. My panties will definitely be thrown on stage.

PS--Just found out their new video, "Pot Kettle Black" is up on Stereogum. Check it ooooooout It's hot shiz. Also, they will be performing the ABCs on Sesame Street this fall. Woah kids...get ready to live part two.

corky st. clair

2008-06-06T10:11:00.003-06:00

Today, I woke up to the smell of burning embers in my mind as I recalled a quote from a dear, dear movie of mine: Waiting for Guffman. Do yourself a favor and watch it. And then perhaps give yourself a pat on the back for having partaken in a piece of film masterpiecery.

I also have a dentist appointment today, much to the chagrin of my nubile gums. I can count on being chastised and harrangued--possibly accosted--by a disgruntled hygienist about the lack of flossing. They will also tell me that I've misused "nubile" at which point I will tell them that hey, my gums could certainly be considered as "sexually attractive, and of marriageable condition or age." If they do not make this up to me with a free toothbrush and strawberry fluoride, then I will have no part in their dental tomfoolery, and I'll be damned if I sit back and let myself be lectured by a pervert. Thank you Peter Griffin.

soot and poo

2008-06-05T23:23:00.004-06:00

vinny! me encanta!

es my dog vincent jameson bambino brown. but really he's not my dog...he was a birthday present gone horribly awry thanks to an overly coddling father with a predilection for puppies. it's cool though. he's 98% mentally retarded, so...I don't really want to deal with it.

Vinny's hobbies include hot dog consumption, barking, badgering, pesterly scratching, and wearing his baby blue harness to the park to sniff puppy bums and duck fesces. He may or may not be an idiot savant.

Needless to say, dogsitting Vincent is lugubrious but rewarding. When he looks at me with those possibly dog down syndrome eyes, I know it's all worth it. He needs me.

you don't want it

2008-06-04T18:13:00.003-06:00

i hate life today. mostly for these reasons:

-lagoon commericals
-dogsitting for a week
-pandas
-people named karl
-hummus breath
-mexican jettas
-sitting in traffic for two hours and seeing nothing but mexican jettas
-the fact that my car, Connie, isn't a mexican jetta
-the fact that my car is a ford probe and looks like this
-dragons
-adam sandler in the zohan
-taco time sweet pork
-dogs barking
-pandas
-and pandas
-overalls

Despite all of this guff, though, there exists this little scamp. He's just trying so hard, bless his heart.

2008-06-04T02:30:00.009-06:00

PS---check out this hot mess. Remember how this is my boyfriend? That plays the drums? It's pretty assome.

denver omelette

2008-06-04T01:57:00.008-06:00

So this one time, Rilo Kiley went on tour without coming to SLC. Consequently, I sold my body for enough petty cash to trek to Denver to see Jenny Lewis and Co. in all their indie folk glory. I made Mitch and his thug Ben come with me, and we listened to the incomparable vocal stylings of Billy Joel all the way there.

We also saw Brian Regan live and local at the Paramount Theatre. He made me giggle and possibly poop my pants a little. Thanks B-money. Um...other activities of interest included a spectacular tour of the Coors plant and a sweltering Rockies game, both of which included no Manwich or cheap diet beverages, much to my chagrin.

The following slideshow provides some visual morsels in order to more fully chronicle our debauchery. Remember how me and Mitch are the most bangin' couple ever?

tam scam shenanigans?

2008-06-03T14:50:00.005-06:00

Sometimes I get bored at work. Also, Mitch told me once that the only way to get a tam was to kill someone who already had one. I believe he referred to it as a tam scam. Mitchell Blayne, you scamp.

Also, poop on the French for making hard nougat. After biting into what I thought would be a delicately soft treat, I now feel deceived, belittled, and a little itchy.

spiced lamb shanks

2008-06-03T03:44:00.003-06:00

So this one time, my friend Marci told me to get a blog. She resides in Tejas and braids corn rows into beautiful ethnic hairstylings. Because of this, I trust her when she tells me to take a bath and get a blog.

That being said, I will start this blog off by disseminating the best news of your life: Tilly and the Wall's new album will be shipped to me tomorrow.

Part two of the best news of your/our life: they are coming to SLC on July 2, and you better believe I already have my tickets. Yee haw baby yeah.

PS--LaVar Burton says don't take my word for it. Cooperation: dig it!